Hoarding is a disorder that occurs in about 2-6% of the American population. Hoarding often takes a toll not only on the individual experiencing it but also on their loved ones.
When a loved one develops symptoms of hoarding, you may feel some concern for their safety and well-being. Your concerns are justified, but it is important to remain calm and level-headed.
If your parent is exhibiting signs of hoarding, the situation can seem very bleak and even impossible to overcome. Fortunately, there are ways that you can learn how to help a hoarder parent.
Read on to learn more about how you can help a hoarder parent. Remember that asking for help in a situation like this is always okay.
Recognize the Stages of Hoarding
Whether you’ve only recently noticed a build-up of unusual clutter or the hoarding has been going on for some time now, it’s not too late to address the issue. However, it can be beneficial to recognize these five stages of hoarding and know what you may be up against. If your parent is in a later stage of hoarding, it may be more difficult to approach the subject.
Address the Issue Directly But Without Judgment
If you feel certain that your parent has a hoarding disorder, it is okay to address the issue. However, make sure to do so without judgment. Avoid phrases like, “It’s unbearable in here,” or, “I can’t stand this mess.”
Instead, focus on tangible concerns that you have for your parent. For example, you may tell them that you worry about their physical health due to the hoarding of hazardous materials.
Offer to Help In Any Way You Can
When you address the issue, let your parent know that you’re here to help. Consider asking them what kind of help they may need. It is possible that they’re ready to start tackling the issue head-on, perhaps by beginning the process of getting rid of things or seeking psychiatric help.
Sometimes, showing your care and support is the best way to help. It may take some time for your parent to accept the help you offer.
Look For Signs of Co-Occurring Disorders
For individuals who are struggling with hoarding, objects we may not perceive as valuable become objects of attachment. Your parent likely feels distressed or fearful at the thought of getting rid of any of these objects.
It’s not uncommon for hoarding to arise alongside other disorders or as the result of a traumatic experience. Think about when the signs of hoarding first became apparent and what was going on at that time.
While you are not in a position to diagnose your parent with a disorder or evaluate their trauma, looking for signs of co-occurring disorders can help you to understand what your parent is experiencing.
Accept That Your Parent May Not Be Ready
In the end, you have to be able to accept that your parent may not be willing or able to address their hoarding disorder. Again, the idea of getting rid of any of the things they’ve hoarded may cause extreme distress. Some hoarders may even be unable to admit that they have developed a hoarding disorder.
You cannot force your parent to work on their hoarding disorder. For your sake and theirs, make sure that you are prepared to accept this outcome if it arises.
How to Help a Hoarder Parent Clean
If your parent decides that they are ready to start tackling the issue at home, there are a few tips to keep in mind. This process will likely take a long time and it may not always be smooth-sailing. Stay focused on the goal of providing your parent with the help they need and remain patient.
Focus on One Room at a Time
Depending on the extent of your parent’s hoarding, their home may be a very overwhelming space. The best way to approach the cleaning process is to focus on one room at a time. You will want to have garbage bags, boxes, and possibly even a dumpster while you sort through everything.
Take Breaks When Necessary
Progress is not always linear. There may be times when your parent begins to feel tense or stressed as you go through all of their belongings together.
If tensions run high, commit to taking a break. Allow your parent to walk away from the situation and encourage them to try a few grounding techniques, such as deep breathing exercises. Return when they are in a better state of mind.
Avoid Secret Purging
It can feel really tempting to come in and clear out your parent’s home when they are at work or out of town. That way, you can take care of it all at once and they won’t have to be part of that distressing process.
Do not do this. Cleaning out a hoarder’s home without their permission is a surefire way to lose their trust. Plus, if they aren’t ready to get rid of their accumulated belongings, coming home to a cleaned-out home can cause major emotional setbacks.
Make sure that any cleaning you do is with your parent’s permission. The only time it is acceptable to clean their house without their permission is if they have permanently relocated to a new home or living facility.
You’re Not Alone
Learning how to help a hoarder parent is overwhelming and even scary. Remember that you are not alone in this process. Reach out for the help and support of other loved ones and psychiatric professionals as needed.
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