There are a lot of talks these days about how parenting has changed over the years. Many people would argue that raising a child without punishment can lead to harmful outcomes. But this presumption couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, children raised in homes where there was strict punishment with little empathy grow up to be adults who struggle with their emotions. There are ways to set healthy boundaries, be empathetic, and also raise children who don’t turn out to be entitled terrors. So here are some of the best gentle parenting tips that all parents should try out.
Avoid Using Shame and Fear to Manage Behavior
Parents who use shaming and fear to manage behavior are often trying to control the behaviors of their children. However, research shows that shame and fear can be harmful to children. Threatening to inflict physical pain, taking away a beloved toy, or even sending children alone to their rooms can cause emotional damage.
Additionally, when children have underlying conditions like ADHD, DMDD, or another emotional disorder, shame and fear can be especially damaging and even lead to other issues like anxiety and depression. A guide to DMDD will show you that some of these outbursts are related to a disorder and aren’t about whether or not you’re a good parent. Understanding that shame and fear tactics can be harmful can help you as a parent seek out other options to help children learn and grow to behave well when they get older, whether they have a mood disorder or not.
Be a Role Model
Do you want your kids to do what you say, or do what you do? Kids are model behaviors, not words. When you raise children, it’s easy to get caught up in all the things you want them to do differently or better. Of course, you want them to exhibit kindness, honesty, and respect for others—but if you lack those traits yourself, your children will not grow up to do them. If you want respect, be respectful. If you want your children to stop yelling, then don’t yell at them. So, if you don’t want your children to talk sassy to you, then don’t use that tone with them. Be a role model and show them with how you behave, how you want them to behave.
Acknowledge Your Child’s Feelings
Acknowledge your child’s feelings. When a child is hurt or upset, it’s important to acknowledge how they feel. Whether you agree with them or not, “I know this hurts right now” can go a long way in helping them feel understood and loved. Let your children express themselves freely and give them space for their uncomfortable emotions even if they were the ones in the wrong.
Focus On Building Connection
The first thing to understand is that connection goes beyond affection. It’s about building a relationship with your child. A connection can be created in many ways, including by asking questions or playing games together. You might start by asking them to tell you what they have been doing recently or what their hobbies are, which helps you learn more about them and lets them know that you care enough to ask. It’s important to actively listen and give your full attention when they speak and make sure not to interrupt them as much as possible so they know their opinion matters.
When there are problems between parent and child, a connection can be used as a way of solving disagreements instead of yelling back at one another. Instead of getting angry and punishing for misbehavior, try taking some time out together where both parties get an opportunity to explain why things happened the way they did — this will help build trust between each other while teaching empathy towards others’ viewpoints too. You can use this to teach a life lesson instead of giving a punishment that won’t help them learn to do better the next time.
Practice Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Just as with any other skill, empathy can be learned. It’s a way to build trust with your child, which will help you understand their perspective and guide them toward positive ways of dealing with their emotions.
Practice Setting Boundaries and Limits
Setting boundaries and limits are a great way to teach kids how to be respectful and responsible. Boundaries are the physical or emotional limits you set for your child, and limits are specific rules that encourage safety. When it comes to setting boundaries, try thinking about them like invisible fences around a yard or playground. They’re there so that your child knows what not to do—and why it’s important not to do it.
